Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
