Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
