I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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