so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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