things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize