so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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