like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
