her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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