i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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