Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
