dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think I won the penis lottery.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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