I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
