somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
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As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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