So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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