I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize