it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize