anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
