1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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