just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
