You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
