Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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