I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
