he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
