Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
