Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
