I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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