Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
