well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
