She's JV to your varsity
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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