Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
