bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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