you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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