you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
