her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Randomize
