after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
