It's Friday. Sex?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize