You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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