I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
