I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
