cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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