By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
