i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
thus making me awesome and them whores
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
