They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
