I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
