no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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