I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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