can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
