she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
