I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
