Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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