Betty ford says i'm here all night
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
