I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize