In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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