It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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