he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
