WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
