No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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