oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
