Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
