she was so not down for the gang bang
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
