Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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