It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
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The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
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You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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