god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
