You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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