I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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