census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
