she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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