Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
