apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
