I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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