She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
