There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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