She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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