White coat. Heels.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
