'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
