i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
