i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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