There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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