my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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