This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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