Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
