I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
