Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Houston, we have a squirter
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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